Suicide and Other Comforts
by Pyromaanii
Summary: Fed up with being a vampire, a monster, Seras sets on a path towards suicide.


_A/N: Okay, so, plenty of other fics I should be working on, but here I am, making this one. This fanfic will sort-of-kind-of go along with the actual plot of manga, just in tow with a suicidal Seras, really, and some extra stuff here and there. Nothing too big. Anyways, hope you lovely little humans enjoy. _

_Disclaimer: Hellsing, it's plot, settings and characters all belong to Kouta Hirano, not I. _

"_**Suicide is a tried and tested form for release."- Cradle of Filth**_

_**Suicide and Other Comforts**_

Being a vampire was definitely not what Alucard told Seras it would be. She was tired of it. Tired of not being able to see the sunlight, tired of sleeping in a coffin, tired of drinking blood, tired of being referred to as a _monster. _She was devastated that she was the thing she feared as a child, and that children have always feared.

A _monster. _

She wanted to end it; but that would make her out to be a hypocrite. She became a vampire because she didn't want to die, though, technically, she was already dead. And hell, she felt it. She couldn't enjoy the things she enjoyed while being human. Alucard made it out to be so _glamorous, _but she didn't feel that way at all about it. But, Alucard was sick, and twisted. He wasn't right. In Seras's opinion, anyways.

After hours, days, weeks of arguing with herself, Seras finally decided she would kill herself. Or, find a way for someone else to kill her. So, in other words, she was leaning more towards _indirect suicide. _She learned about that from a book she surprisingly found in Integra's library.

_'Indirect Suicide,' _she read, _'is a method of suicide where a person has the intention of suicide, without actually performing the act. An example would be someone enlisting in the armed forces, with the intention of being killed in action, or someone committing a crime so that an officer will be forced to be lethal with them.' _

How she would do that, though, was the hardest part. How could she find any way to be killed? She had no idea. _Unless I was killed during a mission... _she could have sworn a light bulb was blinking above her head when she thought of the idea. Now, she just had to wait.

She just had to be patient.

* * *

><p>It was like Death actually didn't want her to die. Though, she didn't know if Death actually had a say anymore in whether she lived or died. Regardless, there had not been any missions from Integra for over a week, and she was staring to get a little frustrated.<p>

_What if Master read my thoughts, and told Sir Integra? _She nervously thought to herself, and she paced her room. She started panicking when she thought of that. _But, I'm sure he would confront me about it before **ever **telling Integra... _she tried reassuring herself. _Yes! Of course!_

"Of course, what, Police Girl?"

And speak of the devil.

"N..nothing, Master!" Seras stuttered out as she turned to face her master. He raised an eyebrow, eying her.

"You're up to something."

She actually thought she was going to sweat, she got so nervous from the stare that Alucard was boring into her. She had to think of something, and something quick.

"Uh... uhm... Sir Integra's birthday is coming up!"

Alucard burst into a fit of laughter, at which Seras actually became flustered at, instead of being relieved.

"W..what, Master? What's so funny about that?"

He cleared his throat, (for what reason, Seras did not know,) and readjusted his glasses.

"Because, _Police Girl_, Integra probably can't even remember her birthday. She hasn't celebrated it since the year I met her. How did you find out anyways?"

Seras conjured up, yet another lie. "Walter."

"Why would Walter even bring that up?" Alucard actually looked somewhat confused.

"I asked him..."

Alucard gave her another awkward glance, "You better not be lying to me."

"Why would I?"

"I don't know, but I can tell you're on to something, and I will find out what." With that, Alucard phased himself through the wall, and off to whereabouts that were always unknown.

* * *

><p>Finally! After almost <em>two weeks <em>of no missions, Integra finally had something for Seras and Alucard to go embark on. Seras thought she was going to explode in joy. This was a start. She had to think positive.

Though, she wasn't sure suicidal tendencies were positive, but, whatever helped her sleep at night.

_Moar A/N: Well, there was chapter one! Please review and tell me what you all think! Also, I meant to mention in the authors note at the beginning, but this isn't going to be all depressing and sally sob story, this will be more of a dark humor sort of fic :) _


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